You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
I'm not gettin' hurt anymore that's a promise I made me for sometime ago
I've never ran into things hard and unbending when I was just traveling slow
If it's down to this and I'm taking my chances I've just got one offer in mind
Let's see a teardrop whatever else you got
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
I'm weak and I'm uncertain in fact I'm still hurtin'
And hurt put on hurt just won't heal
So make me a promise you'll laugh when I laugh and you'll cry when I cry it's a deal
I'm strong and I'm able but weak and unstable when somebody steps on my mind
You have to be willin' the free milk I'm spillin'
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
There was a time I'd be willin' to risk just the day of my life on the nights
But if you've been away say at four in the morning the memories crawlin' by your side
If you want to take it or if you can just make it a one sided offer that's fine
I just got one proposition to make you you show me your heart and I'll show you mine
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
Sunday, February 24, 2008
(SNAP) Sensitive New age Person
I've been thinking about this lot lately. How our patriarchial society derides sensitivity in any form.
When I heard about this site http://www.hsperson.com/ and looked it up (18 months ago) I finally found some affirmation and support for a part of me. Brilliant. There is also now an Aus/NZ group/list getting underway.
One word of caution: it's useful to understand and know yourself, but don't trap yourself in a label and stay there. This can happen, hypothetical examples being I'm bipolar, I'm transgender, etc. Know it, absorb it, value it.
When I heard about this site http://www.hsperson.com/ and looked it up (18 months ago) I finally found some affirmation and support for a part of me. Brilliant. There is also now an Aus/NZ group/list getting underway.
One word of caution: it's useful to understand and know yourself, but don't trap yourself in a label and stay there. This can happen, hypothetical examples being I'm bipolar, I'm transgender, etc. Know it, absorb it, value it.
Tom T Hall lyrics
These describe where I'm at generally (although it could be re playing music too).
TTH is a legendary songwriter and I post these lyrics in awe and respect of him.
Soldier of Fortune
(Gary Sefton)
http://www.lyricmania.com/tom+t++hall-soldier+of+fortune-lyric.html
Valentine Music
I'll follow my dreams like a soldier of fortune
I'd rather chase rainbows than stay here and grow old and never know
How high I could fly if I reach for the sky
It's my turn to try so I'll take my best hold.
I've done my time in the beer and wine mines
Tryin' to climb with my own kind of rhymes it ain't easy
I've had my doubts what they're mostly about
Whether I should reach out to the crowd to just try to please me.
Chasin' the brass ring and bendin' guitar strings
Are the things I enjoy most of all
We can just call this a mission of mercy
But the soldier of fortune should fall.
(I'll follow my dreams)
I already know it's a rough row to hoe
But I can't let go I've been almost so close a few times
My sights are all set it's my chance to get
Somethin' better than whatever it is that I'm leavin' behind.
Chasin' the brass ring and bendin' guitar strings
Are the things I enjoy most of all
We can just call this a mission of mercy
But the soldier of fortune should fall.
I'll follow my dreams
I already know it's a rough row to hoe
But I can't let go I've been almost so close a few times
My sights are all set it's my chance to get
Somethin' better than whatever it is that I'm leavin' behind.
I'll follow my dreams like a soldier of fortune...
People as Crazy as me
http://www.lyricstime.com/tom-t-hall-people-as-crazy-as-me-lyrics.html
Valentine Music
I lie on back and I look at the ceiling
My body's caressed by a cool summer breeze
I won't have no friends and I won't have no sweethearts
Unless they're as crazy as me
I might have been rich and I might have been famous
But I wouldn't follow the dreams
It went up a mountain and I stayed in the valley
With people as crazy as me
(He won't have no friends and he won't have no sweetheartsUnless they're as crazy as him)
[ guitar ]
You know nothing can get you if you ain't got nothing
And you ain't got hardly nobody to please
I've got friends a plenty they're better than enemies
But they're all as crazy as me
I might have been rich...
When they write it all down in the Big Book in heaven
They'll give us a cabin out under the trees
I'll lie on my back and stare at the ceiling
With people as crazy as me
I might have been rich...
TTH is a legendary songwriter and I post these lyrics in awe and respect of him.
Soldier of Fortune
(Gary Sefton)
http://www.lyricmania.com/tom+t++hall-soldier+of+fortune-lyric.html
Valentine Music
I'll follow my dreams like a soldier of fortune
I'd rather chase rainbows than stay here and grow old and never know
How high I could fly if I reach for the sky
It's my turn to try so I'll take my best hold.
I've done my time in the beer and wine mines
Tryin' to climb with my own kind of rhymes it ain't easy
I've had my doubts what they're mostly about
Whether I should reach out to the crowd to just try to please me.
Chasin' the brass ring and bendin' guitar strings
Are the things I enjoy most of all
We can just call this a mission of mercy
But the soldier of fortune should fall.
(I'll follow my dreams)
I already know it's a rough row to hoe
But I can't let go I've been almost so close a few times
My sights are all set it's my chance to get
Somethin' better than whatever it is that I'm leavin' behind.
Chasin' the brass ring and bendin' guitar strings
Are the things I enjoy most of all
We can just call this a mission of mercy
But the soldier of fortune should fall.
I'll follow my dreams
I already know it's a rough row to hoe
But I can't let go I've been almost so close a few times
My sights are all set it's my chance to get
Somethin' better than whatever it is that I'm leavin' behind.
I'll follow my dreams like a soldier of fortune...
People as Crazy as me
http://www.lyricstime.com/tom-t-hall-people-as-crazy-as-me-lyrics.html
Valentine Music
I lie on back and I look at the ceiling
My body's caressed by a cool summer breeze
I won't have no friends and I won't have no sweethearts
Unless they're as crazy as me
I might have been rich and I might have been famous
But I wouldn't follow the dreams
It went up a mountain and I stayed in the valley
With people as crazy as me
(He won't have no friends and he won't have no sweetheartsUnless they're as crazy as him)
[ guitar ]
You know nothing can get you if you ain't got nothing
And you ain't got hardly nobody to please
I've got friends a plenty they're better than enemies
But they're all as crazy as me
I might have been rich...
When they write it all down in the Big Book in heaven
They'll give us a cabin out under the trees
I'll lie on my back and stare at the ceiling
With people as crazy as me
I might have been rich...
Friday, February 22, 2008
follow up last post
Thanks to the people who got in touch with me after the previous post. Your kind words are appreciated.
Things are more settled and on the improve.
Cheeyars
Sally
Things are more settled and on the improve.
Cheeyars
Sally
Friday, February 15, 2008
a while between drinks - personal venting time
Hi all
Well, nearly 6 weeks since my last post. Haven't really felt like writing anything, here's why.
Basically, from around early December, at first without realising it, I had been thrown off centre by an abusive and aggressive looney toon in the trans community. It seems I have lots of company: there could be as many of 20 people who have been damaged by this person, one extremely damaged. It's a fcuking tragedy that with fundy religious types, lesbian separatist femmonazis and MSGs to deal with we end up being damaged by our own. - greater sense of betrayal, I guess.
Anyway, 2 days after this happened I had my phone and purse stolen out of my handbag at a cafe. Seems there's a lot of this around BTW: one of the bi-vic gang had this happen to her and my housemate her purse and keys stolen in the same week as me. Fcuking drug barons who leave people dependant and destitute on drugs, but I digress.
The looney toon spewed more vomit on me 2 days after this. Finally, I took on a job that was way more complex than it appeared. When, because the internet banking hasn't been arranged and you have to arrange cash pays in envelopes a la the 1960s to ensure people have their Xmas pays 2 working days before Xmas, it takes a lot of effort. And Xmas seemed to be more manic and feral than usual.
Anyway, I realised I was off track about a week into January and approached a couple of friends and health professionals. One of the latter was very helpful (uprooted some deep shit) and it seemed all was well, life could resume.
Unfortunately, only 3 hours later I heard about the tragic suicide of Zoe Belle, trans and generally community contributor extraordinaire. Like the rest of the trans and other communities, I was totally devastated. With the funeral happening 9 days later, it took a long time before I was able to grieve and let this go.
So basically, I didn't really get a mental and emotional holiday. Midsumma was an emotional roller coaster as so much of it was Zoe's work. But I managed to get some time out and over the weekend of Friday 8th-10th of Feb I was able to chill, especially after the fab Rock Strip on Friday 8th. Once again, THE event of Midsumma. 2 nights pretty much sold out (and not one iota of publicity on JOY (couldn't interrupt the Kylie megamixes, could we now) or in the pink press. 3 CR to the rescue - hoo-rah (alright I'm biased).
So by Sunday night I was feeling great - energetic, inner peace back, had cleared all the to-to list that had piled up over the last month. Then what?
My housemate announces she (and the pets) want to move out in 6 months with her partner. Previously, she was going to travel with the partner. Now she says "we'll get someone corporate to move in." (She co-owns where I live with a friend).
So, the one anchor I had, a stable happy home has just been cast adrift and now it's just a place to live. So my career's fucked, my finances are fucked, no relationship and wondering if there'll ever be one, the community role means little, my creativity is at an all time low and now this. Fucking fantastic.
Yes, I'm bitter, angry, afraid and disillusioned right now. I'm wondering what I'm living for with no clear goals. I'm sick of being a walking psychological experiment and not having any life.
I'm trying with every ounce of strength to affirm that life will get better. I'm using every idea I know (and learning others) to keep going and find strength and faith (in the general sense of the word, no religion crap here thanks). I'm trying to take responsibility for myself and my decisions and what I've created. I'm trying to change patterns in myself. I'm clinging to the hope that with the decks relatively clear that I'm creating the space for something amazing. That takes virtually all of my strength every day. It takes ages to start the day. I hate mornings, and the stress, tears and anger that come up when I wake up. It would be nice to leap out of bed in the morning and believe life had some purpose other than going to work as an accountant and cleaning up everyone else's crap.
Hope is all there is.
Well, nearly 6 weeks since my last post. Haven't really felt like writing anything, here's why.
Basically, from around early December, at first without realising it, I had been thrown off centre by an abusive and aggressive looney toon in the trans community. It seems I have lots of company: there could be as many of 20 people who have been damaged by this person, one extremely damaged. It's a fcuking tragedy that with fundy religious types, lesbian separatist femmonazis and MSGs to deal with we end up being damaged by our own. - greater sense of betrayal, I guess.
Anyway, 2 days after this happened I had my phone and purse stolen out of my handbag at a cafe. Seems there's a lot of this around BTW: one of the bi-vic gang had this happen to her and my housemate her purse and keys stolen in the same week as me. Fcuking drug barons who leave people dependant and destitute on drugs, but I digress.
The looney toon spewed more vomit on me 2 days after this. Finally, I took on a job that was way more complex than it appeared. When, because the internet banking hasn't been arranged and you have to arrange cash pays in envelopes a la the 1960s to ensure people have their Xmas pays 2 working days before Xmas, it takes a lot of effort. And Xmas seemed to be more manic and feral than usual.
Anyway, I realised I was off track about a week into January and approached a couple of friends and health professionals. One of the latter was very helpful (uprooted some deep shit) and it seemed all was well, life could resume.
Unfortunately, only 3 hours later I heard about the tragic suicide of Zoe Belle, trans and generally community contributor extraordinaire. Like the rest of the trans and other communities, I was totally devastated. With the funeral happening 9 days later, it took a long time before I was able to grieve and let this go.
So basically, I didn't really get a mental and emotional holiday. Midsumma was an emotional roller coaster as so much of it was Zoe's work. But I managed to get some time out and over the weekend of Friday 8th-10th of Feb I was able to chill, especially after the fab Rock Strip on Friday 8th. Once again, THE event of Midsumma. 2 nights pretty much sold out (and not one iota of publicity on JOY (couldn't interrupt the Kylie megamixes, could we now) or in the pink press. 3 CR to the rescue - hoo-rah (alright I'm biased).
So by Sunday night I was feeling great - energetic, inner peace back, had cleared all the to-to list that had piled up over the last month. Then what?
My housemate announces she (and the pets) want to move out in 6 months with her partner. Previously, she was going to travel with the partner. Now she says "we'll get someone corporate to move in." (She co-owns where I live with a friend).
So, the one anchor I had, a stable happy home has just been cast adrift and now it's just a place to live. So my career's fucked, my finances are fucked, no relationship and wondering if there'll ever be one, the community role means little, my creativity is at an all time low and now this. Fucking fantastic.
Yes, I'm bitter, angry, afraid and disillusioned right now. I'm wondering what I'm living for with no clear goals. I'm sick of being a walking psychological experiment and not having any life.
I'm trying with every ounce of strength to affirm that life will get better. I'm using every idea I know (and learning others) to keep going and find strength and faith (in the general sense of the word, no religion crap here thanks). I'm trying to take responsibility for myself and my decisions and what I've created. I'm trying to change patterns in myself. I'm clinging to the hope that with the decks relatively clear that I'm creating the space for something amazing. That takes virtually all of my strength every day. It takes ages to start the day. I hate mornings, and the stress, tears and anger that come up when I wake up. It would be nice to leap out of bed in the morning and believe life had some purpose other than going to work as an accountant and cleaning up everyone else's crap.
Hope is all there is.
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