What is it in the GLBTI community re the constant nuisance that are “pink shock-jocks?” This World Wrestling Entertainment style of media i.e. pre-fabricated non-genuine emotion and shock value always seems to rear its ugly head. It’s well known in the wider community, e.g. Alan Jones, Ray Hadley, Steve Price and Derryn Hinch. In the GLBTI community it usually takes the form of anyone who doesn’t fit gay male stereotypes. And interestingly, all the community media examples I can think of ultimately self-identify as gay male.
In the past we’ve seen Lance Spurr (real name Adam Carr) and Kaye Sera (Daren Pope), the latter noted for the infamous 2004 “heel turn” (to keep the WWE analogy going) which was justified by “well, it won me a Rainbow Award.” Interestingly, both these occurred under the editorship of Bill Calder. More recently it’s been JOY’s Tim Newton and Tim Wilson, the latter a well-known Liberal party hack and employee of the Institute of Public Affairs, the well-known right-wing think tank. (Hang on, right-wing think-tank is an oxymoron, but I digress…)
One could possibly rationalize this approach for commercial media. Commercial media need to make profits, if this style brings in the masses that lead to ratings that lead to advertising dollars, so it’s justifiable…possibly. But can GLBTI community media, with its more qualitative aims follow such a line? Respected pink media types, particularly Doug Pollard, think so. But there’s a difference.
The GLBTI and allied community are overall better educated than others – in 2 ways. Sure, there is more formal education re tertiary degrees etc. More importantly, our life experience enables us to see through many falsehoods and cover-ups more often than your average punter. So we are not going to be sucker-punched by pink jocks. More likely, we’ll switch channels because we don’t want to have our intelligence insulted. So this style of media is clearly detrimental re achieving aims, financial or qualitative.
Columnist Cheeky Biscuit wrote a few years back that all the shock-jocks, pink or otherwise were all right wing. Would a left-wing shocker work? I don’t think it’s any different…it’s still lowest common denominator stuff.
So my take is if you can’t present community media without genuine passion, then don’t do it at all. There are enough issues in this community that can move the heart and sway the emotions- positively – without having to resort to cheap and lazy approaches. Unless you’re happy to be known as cheap, lazy...and fake.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
back on deck
Sorry it's been so long between posts - might write as to why at some point. Stuff coming soon.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
a bit of gender fun
Hi all
A bit of fun that happened at the recent "Play Like a Girl" jam session
Yours truly has been mucking around playing drums lately and this is a great way to do it every month.
Anyway, after I'd had a bash, a guy comes up to me and says "I've always wanted to play drums, can I borrow your skirt?"
Love it.
check out http://www.myspace.com/iplaylikeagirl
A bit of fun that happened at the recent "Play Like a Girl" jam session
Yours truly has been mucking around playing drums lately and this is a great way to do it every month.
Anyway, after I'd had a bash, a guy comes up to me and says "I've always wanted to play drums, can I borrow your skirt?"
Love it.
check out http://www.myspace.com/iplaylikeagirl
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Diary of a Confest Virgin
“We’ve both had a stressful start to the year, so we’re going to Confest to chill out.”Sounded like my long time friend Mandy had a good idea re getting away over Easter, but what we doing?
According to http://www.dte.org.au/NextFest.html ConFest was started as an “alternative living' festival in the 1970's by Jim Cairns (then Deputy Prime Minister) and his assistant Junie Morosi and many others.” It’s camping, it’s in the bush and it’s largely primitive, although there was a marketplace selling (amongst other stuff) cooked food and lattes for those needing their morning fix.
Being a first timer was a bit overwhelming. However the spirit of Confest is that anyone can run a workshop/gathering on anything (regardless of expertise). 2 gay guys had the sensible idea of holding a queer “meet and greet” on Friday morning, which for a first time attendee was very helpful in feeling more settled.
Saturday was a much noisier with almost 15 hours of tribal drumming which sent me a bit spare. Even the quiet area (also drug and alcohol free) wasn’t completely quiet. To lift myself on Sunday, I decided to put on 2 workshops myself. Old habits die hard and one was “Transgender 101.” Happily no-one turned up. Happily - yes: maybe that no-one was interested meant that no-one there gave a damn about transgender. Hallelujah.
A lovely Hindu gay guy from the Sunshine Coast facilitated a workshop re gay/queer spirituality, specifically is there a queer spirituality or can we be part of mainstream spirituality – an article in itself.
At Confest, clothing is optional re both style and amount. i.e. people can walk around nude if desired and guys wear dresses. In a “gently challenging” way,seeing the nudity was helpful for me. As a transsexual this brought to the surface the internalised transphobia I’ve swallowed re feeling negative about my body and that I need to let that transphobia go. Something to work on…
Overall queerdom was a non-issue; making Confest a sort of queertopia. One gay guy said he’d received a comment there were “no queers here,” (pretty odd given the signs locating the queer village), but that was it.
Undaunted by the nil response to the trans workshop, I tried again and ran a workshop on the “Highly Sensitive Person.” Being relatively unprepared moved me out of my comfort zone, but the results were worth it. 9 other people turned up, only one of whom who knew of the material. The other 8 were “just curious.” However, on finding out that there were other people like themselves and knowing about relevant resources, they walked away happier and feeling less isolated… the highlight of my weekend.
Which is what Confest is about. Giving. Respect for each other. Which begs a question. If it’s so easy for Confest to be respectful of humanity without a whole lot of rules, how come it’s so hard for society to do it?
PS This article was submitted to a local pink newspaper for possible publication: no response, so blogreaders, you get the exclusive!
According to http://www.dte.org.au/NextFest.html ConFest was started as an “alternative living' festival in the 1970's by Jim Cairns (then Deputy Prime Minister) and his assistant Junie Morosi and many others.” It’s camping, it’s in the bush and it’s largely primitive, although there was a marketplace selling (amongst other stuff) cooked food and lattes for those needing their morning fix.
Being a first timer was a bit overwhelming. However the spirit of Confest is that anyone can run a workshop/gathering on anything (regardless of expertise). 2 gay guys had the sensible idea of holding a queer “meet and greet” on Friday morning, which for a first time attendee was very helpful in feeling more settled.
Saturday was a much noisier with almost 15 hours of tribal drumming which sent me a bit spare. Even the quiet area (also drug and alcohol free) wasn’t completely quiet. To lift myself on Sunday, I decided to put on 2 workshops myself. Old habits die hard and one was “Transgender 101.” Happily no-one turned up. Happily - yes: maybe that no-one was interested meant that no-one there gave a damn about transgender. Hallelujah.
A lovely Hindu gay guy from the Sunshine Coast facilitated a workshop re gay/queer spirituality, specifically is there a queer spirituality or can we be part of mainstream spirituality – an article in itself.
At Confest, clothing is optional re both style and amount. i.e. people can walk around nude if desired and guys wear dresses. In a “gently challenging” way,seeing the nudity was helpful for me. As a transsexual this brought to the surface the internalised transphobia I’ve swallowed re feeling negative about my body and that I need to let that transphobia go. Something to work on…
Overall queerdom was a non-issue; making Confest a sort of queertopia. One gay guy said he’d received a comment there were “no queers here,” (pretty odd given the signs locating the queer village), but that was it.
Undaunted by the nil response to the trans workshop, I tried again and ran a workshop on the “Highly Sensitive Person.” Being relatively unprepared moved me out of my comfort zone, but the results were worth it. 9 other people turned up, only one of whom who knew of the material. The other 8 were “just curious.” However, on finding out that there were other people like themselves and knowing about relevant resources, they walked away happier and feeling less isolated… the highlight of my weekend.
Which is what Confest is about. Giving. Respect for each other. Which begs a question. If it’s so easy for Confest to be respectful of humanity without a whole lot of rules, how come it’s so hard for society to do it?
PS This article was submitted to a local pink newspaper for possible publication: no response, so blogreaders, you get the exclusive!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Customer service winner
Hi all
Now this makes shopping really fun...and I've left the details on because they deserve a plug
Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.
A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure
it was in the best possible condition before mailing.
Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.
We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Friday, March 28th.
I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Sigh...
--
Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby
the little store with the best new independent music
http://cdbaby.com cdbaby@cdbaby.com (503)595-3000
Now this makes shopping really fun...and I've left the details on because they deserve a plug
Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.
A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure
it was in the best possible condition before mailing.
Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.
We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Friday, March 28th.
I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Sigh...
--
Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby
the little store with the best new independent music
http://cdbaby.com cdbaby@cdbaby.com (503)595-3000
Monday, March 10, 2008
Drugs (legal ones)
Recently, I've quit both coffee and alcohol. 3 drinks in the last 5 weeks; no coffee for 40 days (and nights) ; no, we're not talking about Lent here!
I find coffee, even 1 decaf per day overly stimulating. I find alcohol to be a depressant that makes me go to sleep. So why was I paying people for this combination of "legal uppers and Alexanders (downers)?" what was the nutritional value in either?
What's pissed me off re the alcohol are the people who say "you don't drink because you have a control issue. You're afraid if you drink too much you won't be in control." Having given my reason, I find their comments rude and insulting. We all have different metabolisms, we're all different.
The third drug is called anti-depressants (ADs). First of all, don't do anything re this without consulting your health professional. But I believe in the idea that ADs are over-prescribed:
1. They are most likely over-advertised to health professionals(as proposed by Healthy Skepticism)
2. They are prescribed too quickly by docs and psychs who are too busy/unable to listen.
3. People are left on them for too long without counselling on what is causing the alleged need for the AD.
4. The difficulty in getting off them is well documented.
I think solutions lie in:
1, Docs and psychs always need to outline an initial counselling program at the same time as prescribing ADs.
2. There needs to be constant checking in re the need for continuing use.
3. There needs to be allowance by docs, psychs and employers to ensure sick leave and medical certificates are available for people to have time to come off ADs.
4. People need to be allowed to have someone attend appointments to advocate for them without question.
Here's to health (that's a toast with a glass of filtered water!)
I find coffee, even 1 decaf per day overly stimulating. I find alcohol to be a depressant that makes me go to sleep. So why was I paying people for this combination of "legal uppers and Alexanders (downers)?" what was the nutritional value in either?
What's pissed me off re the alcohol are the people who say "you don't drink because you have a control issue. You're afraid if you drink too much you won't be in control." Having given my reason, I find their comments rude and insulting. We all have different metabolisms, we're all different.
The third drug is called anti-depressants (ADs). First of all, don't do anything re this without consulting your health professional. But I believe in the idea that ADs are over-prescribed:
1. They are most likely over-advertised to health professionals(as proposed by Healthy Skepticism)
2. They are prescribed too quickly by docs and psychs who are too busy/unable to listen.
3. People are left on them for too long without counselling on what is causing the alleged need for the AD.
4. The difficulty in getting off them is well documented.
I think solutions lie in:
1, Docs and psychs always need to outline an initial counselling program at the same time as prescribing ADs.
2. There needs to be constant checking in re the need for continuing use.
3. There needs to be allowance by docs, psychs and employers to ensure sick leave and medical certificates are available for people to have time to come off ADs.
4. People need to be allowed to have someone attend appointments to advocate for them without question.
Here's to health (that's a toast with a glass of filtered water!)
Monday, March 3, 2008
Ms Manners
Being an old-fashioned gal, I'm into manners.
One thing at the gig that annoyed me on Saturday was people talking through the gig. If you go and see music, stand-up or similar, shut up! Talk before, during the interval or after.
My arts colleague from my JOY days tells the story of a woman in the second row of the audience at a musical who talk a call on her mobile in the middle of a shoqw. Even in spite of the lead beaking out of character saying " do you want us to stop while you take the call" the woman went on talking.
Honestly...
One thing at the gig that annoyed me on Saturday was people talking through the gig. If you go and see music, stand-up or similar, shut up! Talk before, during the interval or after.
My arts colleague from my JOY days tells the story of a woman in the second row of the audience at a musical who talk a call on her mobile in the middle of a shoqw. Even in spite of the lead beaking out of character saying " do you want us to stop while you take the call" the woman went on talking.
Honestly...
Childhood innocence
i've been working recently with the ideas promoted by "The Magician's Way" following my doing the weekend course last year.
One component of that work is the idea of childhood innocence. Last Saturday I got an image of it.
My dear dear dear friend Kimba performed her first gig (jazz/swing music) since becoming a mum last September. Being a truly good mum she wants to give her ensure her son has love/validation up to 18 months (another component of Mag Way).
So half of her gig was with her son piggybacking (attached in a harness/backpack like arrangement) her. i reckon 95% of 6-month-olds would have been screaming their heads off. Not Dante. Wide-eyed and loving it. Innocent. Happy. Beautiful. The camera phone pix are average but the memory is and mental image are 200%.
Made Kate Langbroek breastfeeding her baby on "The Panel" look meaningless...
One component of that work is the idea of childhood innocence. Last Saturday I got an image of it.
My dear dear dear friend Kimba performed her first gig (jazz/swing music) since becoming a mum last September. Being a truly good mum she wants to give her ensure her son has love/validation up to 18 months (another component of Mag Way).
So half of her gig was with her son piggybacking (attached in a harness/backpack like arrangement) her. i reckon 95% of 6-month-olds would have been screaming their heads off. Not Dante. Wide-eyed and loving it. Innocent. Happy. Beautiful. The camera phone pix are average but the memory is and mental image are 200%.
Made Kate Langbroek breastfeeding her baby on "The Panel" look meaningless...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
one more TTH
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
I'm not gettin' hurt anymore that's a promise I made me for sometime ago
I've never ran into things hard and unbending when I was just traveling slow
If it's down to this and I'm taking my chances I've just got one offer in mind
Let's see a teardrop whatever else you got
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
I'm weak and I'm uncertain in fact I'm still hurtin'
And hurt put on hurt just won't heal
So make me a promise you'll laugh when I laugh and you'll cry when I cry it's a deal
I'm strong and I'm able but weak and unstable when somebody steps on my mind
You have to be willin' the free milk I'm spillin'
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
There was a time I'd be willin' to risk just the day of my life on the nights
But if you've been away say at four in the morning the memories crawlin' by your side
If you want to take it or if you can just make it a one sided offer that's fine
I just got one proposition to make you you show me your heart and I'll show you mine
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
I'm not gettin' hurt anymore that's a promise I made me for sometime ago
I've never ran into things hard and unbending when I was just traveling slow
If it's down to this and I'm taking my chances I've just got one offer in mind
Let's see a teardrop whatever else you got
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
I'm weak and I'm uncertain in fact I'm still hurtin'
And hurt put on hurt just won't heal
So make me a promise you'll laugh when I laugh and you'll cry when I cry it's a deal
I'm strong and I'm able but weak and unstable when somebody steps on my mind
You have to be willin' the free milk I'm spillin'
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
There was a time I'd be willin' to risk just the day of my life on the nights
But if you've been away say at four in the morning the memories crawlin' by your side
If you want to take it or if you can just make it a one sided offer that's fine
I just got one proposition to make you you show me your heart and I'll show you mine
You show me your heart and I'll show you mine
(SNAP) Sensitive New age Person
I've been thinking about this lot lately. How our patriarchial society derides sensitivity in any form.
When I heard about this site http://www.hsperson.com/ and looked it up (18 months ago) I finally found some affirmation and support for a part of me. Brilliant. There is also now an Aus/NZ group/list getting underway.
One word of caution: it's useful to understand and know yourself, but don't trap yourself in a label and stay there. This can happen, hypothetical examples being I'm bipolar, I'm transgender, etc. Know it, absorb it, value it.
When I heard about this site http://www.hsperson.com/ and looked it up (18 months ago) I finally found some affirmation and support for a part of me. Brilliant. There is also now an Aus/NZ group/list getting underway.
One word of caution: it's useful to understand and know yourself, but don't trap yourself in a label and stay there. This can happen, hypothetical examples being I'm bipolar, I'm transgender, etc. Know it, absorb it, value it.
Tom T Hall lyrics
These describe where I'm at generally (although it could be re playing music too).
TTH is a legendary songwriter and I post these lyrics in awe and respect of him.
Soldier of Fortune
(Gary Sefton)
http://www.lyricmania.com/tom+t++hall-soldier+of+fortune-lyric.html
Valentine Music
I'll follow my dreams like a soldier of fortune
I'd rather chase rainbows than stay here and grow old and never know
How high I could fly if I reach for the sky
It's my turn to try so I'll take my best hold.
I've done my time in the beer and wine mines
Tryin' to climb with my own kind of rhymes it ain't easy
I've had my doubts what they're mostly about
Whether I should reach out to the crowd to just try to please me.
Chasin' the brass ring and bendin' guitar strings
Are the things I enjoy most of all
We can just call this a mission of mercy
But the soldier of fortune should fall.
(I'll follow my dreams)
I already know it's a rough row to hoe
But I can't let go I've been almost so close a few times
My sights are all set it's my chance to get
Somethin' better than whatever it is that I'm leavin' behind.
Chasin' the brass ring and bendin' guitar strings
Are the things I enjoy most of all
We can just call this a mission of mercy
But the soldier of fortune should fall.
I'll follow my dreams
I already know it's a rough row to hoe
But I can't let go I've been almost so close a few times
My sights are all set it's my chance to get
Somethin' better than whatever it is that I'm leavin' behind.
I'll follow my dreams like a soldier of fortune...
People as Crazy as me
http://www.lyricstime.com/tom-t-hall-people-as-crazy-as-me-lyrics.html
Valentine Music
I lie on back and I look at the ceiling
My body's caressed by a cool summer breeze
I won't have no friends and I won't have no sweethearts
Unless they're as crazy as me
I might have been rich and I might have been famous
But I wouldn't follow the dreams
It went up a mountain and I stayed in the valley
With people as crazy as me
(He won't have no friends and he won't have no sweetheartsUnless they're as crazy as him)
[ guitar ]
You know nothing can get you if you ain't got nothing
And you ain't got hardly nobody to please
I've got friends a plenty they're better than enemies
But they're all as crazy as me
I might have been rich...
When they write it all down in the Big Book in heaven
They'll give us a cabin out under the trees
I'll lie on my back and stare at the ceiling
With people as crazy as me
I might have been rich...
TTH is a legendary songwriter and I post these lyrics in awe and respect of him.
Soldier of Fortune
(Gary Sefton)
http://www.lyricmania.com/tom+t++hall-soldier+of+fortune-lyric.html
Valentine Music
I'll follow my dreams like a soldier of fortune
I'd rather chase rainbows than stay here and grow old and never know
How high I could fly if I reach for the sky
It's my turn to try so I'll take my best hold.
I've done my time in the beer and wine mines
Tryin' to climb with my own kind of rhymes it ain't easy
I've had my doubts what they're mostly about
Whether I should reach out to the crowd to just try to please me.
Chasin' the brass ring and bendin' guitar strings
Are the things I enjoy most of all
We can just call this a mission of mercy
But the soldier of fortune should fall.
(I'll follow my dreams)
I already know it's a rough row to hoe
But I can't let go I've been almost so close a few times
My sights are all set it's my chance to get
Somethin' better than whatever it is that I'm leavin' behind.
Chasin' the brass ring and bendin' guitar strings
Are the things I enjoy most of all
We can just call this a mission of mercy
But the soldier of fortune should fall.
I'll follow my dreams
I already know it's a rough row to hoe
But I can't let go I've been almost so close a few times
My sights are all set it's my chance to get
Somethin' better than whatever it is that I'm leavin' behind.
I'll follow my dreams like a soldier of fortune...
People as Crazy as me
http://www.lyricstime.com/tom-t-hall-people-as-crazy-as-me-lyrics.html
Valentine Music
I lie on back and I look at the ceiling
My body's caressed by a cool summer breeze
I won't have no friends and I won't have no sweethearts
Unless they're as crazy as me
I might have been rich and I might have been famous
But I wouldn't follow the dreams
It went up a mountain and I stayed in the valley
With people as crazy as me
(He won't have no friends and he won't have no sweetheartsUnless they're as crazy as him)
[ guitar ]
You know nothing can get you if you ain't got nothing
And you ain't got hardly nobody to please
I've got friends a plenty they're better than enemies
But they're all as crazy as me
I might have been rich...
When they write it all down in the Big Book in heaven
They'll give us a cabin out under the trees
I'll lie on my back and stare at the ceiling
With people as crazy as me
I might have been rich...
Friday, February 22, 2008
follow up last post
Thanks to the people who got in touch with me after the previous post. Your kind words are appreciated.
Things are more settled and on the improve.
Cheeyars
Sally
Things are more settled and on the improve.
Cheeyars
Sally
Friday, February 15, 2008
a while between drinks - personal venting time
Hi all
Well, nearly 6 weeks since my last post. Haven't really felt like writing anything, here's why.
Basically, from around early December, at first without realising it, I had been thrown off centre by an abusive and aggressive looney toon in the trans community. It seems I have lots of company: there could be as many of 20 people who have been damaged by this person, one extremely damaged. It's a fcuking tragedy that with fundy religious types, lesbian separatist femmonazis and MSGs to deal with we end up being damaged by our own. - greater sense of betrayal, I guess.
Anyway, 2 days after this happened I had my phone and purse stolen out of my handbag at a cafe. Seems there's a lot of this around BTW: one of the bi-vic gang had this happen to her and my housemate her purse and keys stolen in the same week as me. Fcuking drug barons who leave people dependant and destitute on drugs, but I digress.
The looney toon spewed more vomit on me 2 days after this. Finally, I took on a job that was way more complex than it appeared. When, because the internet banking hasn't been arranged and you have to arrange cash pays in envelopes a la the 1960s to ensure people have their Xmas pays 2 working days before Xmas, it takes a lot of effort. And Xmas seemed to be more manic and feral than usual.
Anyway, I realised I was off track about a week into January and approached a couple of friends and health professionals. One of the latter was very helpful (uprooted some deep shit) and it seemed all was well, life could resume.
Unfortunately, only 3 hours later I heard about the tragic suicide of Zoe Belle, trans and generally community contributor extraordinaire. Like the rest of the trans and other communities, I was totally devastated. With the funeral happening 9 days later, it took a long time before I was able to grieve and let this go.
So basically, I didn't really get a mental and emotional holiday. Midsumma was an emotional roller coaster as so much of it was Zoe's work. But I managed to get some time out and over the weekend of Friday 8th-10th of Feb I was able to chill, especially after the fab Rock Strip on Friday 8th. Once again, THE event of Midsumma. 2 nights pretty much sold out (and not one iota of publicity on JOY (couldn't interrupt the Kylie megamixes, could we now) or in the pink press. 3 CR to the rescue - hoo-rah (alright I'm biased).
So by Sunday night I was feeling great - energetic, inner peace back, had cleared all the to-to list that had piled up over the last month. Then what?
My housemate announces she (and the pets) want to move out in 6 months with her partner. Previously, she was going to travel with the partner. Now she says "we'll get someone corporate to move in." (She co-owns where I live with a friend).
So, the one anchor I had, a stable happy home has just been cast adrift and now it's just a place to live. So my career's fucked, my finances are fucked, no relationship and wondering if there'll ever be one, the community role means little, my creativity is at an all time low and now this. Fucking fantastic.
Yes, I'm bitter, angry, afraid and disillusioned right now. I'm wondering what I'm living for with no clear goals. I'm sick of being a walking psychological experiment and not having any life.
I'm trying with every ounce of strength to affirm that life will get better. I'm using every idea I know (and learning others) to keep going and find strength and faith (in the general sense of the word, no religion crap here thanks). I'm trying to take responsibility for myself and my decisions and what I've created. I'm trying to change patterns in myself. I'm clinging to the hope that with the decks relatively clear that I'm creating the space for something amazing. That takes virtually all of my strength every day. It takes ages to start the day. I hate mornings, and the stress, tears and anger that come up when I wake up. It would be nice to leap out of bed in the morning and believe life had some purpose other than going to work as an accountant and cleaning up everyone else's crap.
Hope is all there is.
Well, nearly 6 weeks since my last post. Haven't really felt like writing anything, here's why.
Basically, from around early December, at first without realising it, I had been thrown off centre by an abusive and aggressive looney toon in the trans community. It seems I have lots of company: there could be as many of 20 people who have been damaged by this person, one extremely damaged. It's a fcuking tragedy that with fundy religious types, lesbian separatist femmonazis and MSGs to deal with we end up being damaged by our own. - greater sense of betrayal, I guess.
Anyway, 2 days after this happened I had my phone and purse stolen out of my handbag at a cafe. Seems there's a lot of this around BTW: one of the bi-vic gang had this happen to her and my housemate her purse and keys stolen in the same week as me. Fcuking drug barons who leave people dependant and destitute on drugs, but I digress.
The looney toon spewed more vomit on me 2 days after this. Finally, I took on a job that was way more complex than it appeared. When, because the internet banking hasn't been arranged and you have to arrange cash pays in envelopes a la the 1960s to ensure people have their Xmas pays 2 working days before Xmas, it takes a lot of effort. And Xmas seemed to be more manic and feral than usual.
Anyway, I realised I was off track about a week into January and approached a couple of friends and health professionals. One of the latter was very helpful (uprooted some deep shit) and it seemed all was well, life could resume.
Unfortunately, only 3 hours later I heard about the tragic suicide of Zoe Belle, trans and generally community contributor extraordinaire. Like the rest of the trans and other communities, I was totally devastated. With the funeral happening 9 days later, it took a long time before I was able to grieve and let this go.
So basically, I didn't really get a mental and emotional holiday. Midsumma was an emotional roller coaster as so much of it was Zoe's work. But I managed to get some time out and over the weekend of Friday 8th-10th of Feb I was able to chill, especially after the fab Rock Strip on Friday 8th. Once again, THE event of Midsumma. 2 nights pretty much sold out (and not one iota of publicity on JOY (couldn't interrupt the Kylie megamixes, could we now) or in the pink press. 3 CR to the rescue - hoo-rah (alright I'm biased).
So by Sunday night I was feeling great - energetic, inner peace back, had cleared all the to-to list that had piled up over the last month. Then what?
My housemate announces she (and the pets) want to move out in 6 months with her partner. Previously, she was going to travel with the partner. Now she says "we'll get someone corporate to move in." (She co-owns where I live with a friend).
So, the one anchor I had, a stable happy home has just been cast adrift and now it's just a place to live. So my career's fucked, my finances are fucked, no relationship and wondering if there'll ever be one, the community role means little, my creativity is at an all time low and now this. Fucking fantastic.
Yes, I'm bitter, angry, afraid and disillusioned right now. I'm wondering what I'm living for with no clear goals. I'm sick of being a walking psychological experiment and not having any life.
I'm trying with every ounce of strength to affirm that life will get better. I'm using every idea I know (and learning others) to keep going and find strength and faith (in the general sense of the word, no religion crap here thanks). I'm trying to take responsibility for myself and my decisions and what I've created. I'm trying to change patterns in myself. I'm clinging to the hope that with the decks relatively clear that I'm creating the space for something amazing. That takes virtually all of my strength every day. It takes ages to start the day. I hate mornings, and the stress, tears and anger that come up when I wake up. It would be nice to leap out of bed in the morning and believe life had some purpose other than going to work as an accountant and cleaning up everyone else's crap.
Hope is all there is.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Caught, clean bowled and hit wicket
Well, cricket's in a right old hissy fit, what?
1st of all, obviously I condemn racism along with any form of prejudice. And if someone can prove it's happened in this case, I'll condemn it in this case.
That's a big if. No-one has provided any evidence that monkey is a racist taunt. So it's general sledging.
So where did sledging start? With "real men don't eat quiche" types such as Ian Chappell, Rod Marsh and Jeff Thomson in the 70s (and in a way, tennis players like McEnroe and Connors). Has anyone tried to turn sledging back, including Steve "Mr Nice Guy" Waugh? No.
So other sides, being human, do it to. What do the spoilt brat bullies of world cricket, the Aussies do? Run to mummy and get someone suspended (pending appeal).
If the Aussies are such skilled cricketers why do they need to sledge and do the pressure appeals? Or maybe they aren't so skilled and use cheap shots to cover that up? So let's throw out a challenge to the Aussies: play in Perth without sledging and see if you can win.
Re the umpiring, well, it's the imbalanced number of decisions for one test that's got the Indians upset. 5 0r 6 big ones to virtually zip in a close test; upset is understandable. But a challenge for the Indians - finish the tour, go to Perth, thump the Aussies and end the streak.
What really gets me was one knucklehead who wrote to a paper saying players shouldn't "walk" and that to do so was putting yourself ahead of the team. What happened to ethics, for heaven's sake? Maybe we're so used to head-kicking skin-doctoring and occasionally crooked politicians and business types that people think their behaviour is the norm and being ethical is "weird?" Maybe quality examples of leadership would help overcome all this.
All I can say is Bradman must be turning triple somersaults in his grave.
1st of all, obviously I condemn racism along with any form of prejudice. And if someone can prove it's happened in this case, I'll condemn it in this case.
That's a big if. No-one has provided any evidence that monkey is a racist taunt. So it's general sledging.
So where did sledging start? With "real men don't eat quiche" types such as Ian Chappell, Rod Marsh and Jeff Thomson in the 70s (and in a way, tennis players like McEnroe and Connors). Has anyone tried to turn sledging back, including Steve "Mr Nice Guy" Waugh? No.
So other sides, being human, do it to. What do the spoilt brat bullies of world cricket, the Aussies do? Run to mummy and get someone suspended (pending appeal).
If the Aussies are such skilled cricketers why do they need to sledge and do the pressure appeals? Or maybe they aren't so skilled and use cheap shots to cover that up? So let's throw out a challenge to the Aussies: play in Perth without sledging and see if you can win.
Re the umpiring, well, it's the imbalanced number of decisions for one test that's got the Indians upset. 5 0r 6 big ones to virtually zip in a close test; upset is understandable. But a challenge for the Indians - finish the tour, go to Perth, thump the Aussies and end the streak.
What really gets me was one knucklehead who wrote to a paper saying players shouldn't "walk" and that to do so was putting yourself ahead of the team. What happened to ethics, for heaven's sake? Maybe we're so used to head-kicking skin-doctoring and occasionally crooked politicians and business types that people think their behaviour is the norm and being ethical is "weird?" Maybe quality examples of leadership would help overcome all this.
All I can say is Bradman must be turning triple somersaults in his grave.
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