These describe where I'm at generally (although it could be re playing music too).
TTH is a legendary songwriter and I post these lyrics in awe and respect of him.
Soldier of Fortune
(Gary Sefton)
http://www.lyricmania.com/tom+t++hall-soldier+of+fortune-lyric.html
Valentine Music
I'll follow my dreams like a soldier of fortune
I'd rather chase rainbows than stay here and grow old and never know
How high I could fly if I reach for the sky
It's my turn to try so I'll take my best hold.
I've done my time in the beer and wine mines
Tryin' to climb with my own kind of rhymes it ain't easy
I've had my doubts what they're mostly about
Whether I should reach out to the crowd to just try to please me.
Chasin' the brass ring and bendin' guitar strings
Are the things I enjoy most of all
We can just call this a mission of mercy
But the soldier of fortune should fall.
(I'll follow my dreams)
I already know it's a rough row to hoe
But I can't let go I've been almost so close a few times
My sights are all set it's my chance to get
Somethin' better than whatever it is that I'm leavin' behind.
Chasin' the brass ring and bendin' guitar strings
Are the things I enjoy most of all
We can just call this a mission of mercy
But the soldier of fortune should fall.
I'll follow my dreams
I already know it's a rough row to hoe
But I can't let go I've been almost so close a few times
My sights are all set it's my chance to get
Somethin' better than whatever it is that I'm leavin' behind.
I'll follow my dreams like a soldier of fortune...
People as Crazy as me
http://www.lyricstime.com/tom-t-hall-people-as-crazy-as-me-lyrics.html
Valentine Music
I lie on back and I look at the ceiling
My body's caressed by a cool summer breeze
I won't have no friends and I won't have no sweethearts
Unless they're as crazy as me
I might have been rich and I might have been famous
But I wouldn't follow the dreams
It went up a mountain and I stayed in the valley
With people as crazy as me
(He won't have no friends and he won't have no sweetheartsUnless they're as crazy as him)
[ guitar ]
You know nothing can get you if you ain't got nothing
And you ain't got hardly nobody to please
I've got friends a plenty they're better than enemies
But they're all as crazy as me
I might have been rich...
When they write it all down in the Big Book in heaven
They'll give us a cabin out under the trees
I'll lie on my back and stare at the ceiling
With people as crazy as me
I might have been rich...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
follow up last post
Thanks to the people who got in touch with me after the previous post. Your kind words are appreciated.
Things are more settled and on the improve.
Cheeyars
Sally
Things are more settled and on the improve.
Cheeyars
Sally
Friday, February 15, 2008
a while between drinks - personal venting time
Hi all
Well, nearly 6 weeks since my last post. Haven't really felt like writing anything, here's why.
Basically, from around early December, at first without realising it, I had been thrown off centre by an abusive and aggressive looney toon in the trans community. It seems I have lots of company: there could be as many of 20 people who have been damaged by this person, one extremely damaged. It's a fcuking tragedy that with fundy religious types, lesbian separatist femmonazis and MSGs to deal with we end up being damaged by our own. - greater sense of betrayal, I guess.
Anyway, 2 days after this happened I had my phone and purse stolen out of my handbag at a cafe. Seems there's a lot of this around BTW: one of the bi-vic gang had this happen to her and my housemate her purse and keys stolen in the same week as me. Fcuking drug barons who leave people dependant and destitute on drugs, but I digress.
The looney toon spewed more vomit on me 2 days after this. Finally, I took on a job that was way more complex than it appeared. When, because the internet banking hasn't been arranged and you have to arrange cash pays in envelopes a la the 1960s to ensure people have their Xmas pays 2 working days before Xmas, it takes a lot of effort. And Xmas seemed to be more manic and feral than usual.
Anyway, I realised I was off track about a week into January and approached a couple of friends and health professionals. One of the latter was very helpful (uprooted some deep shit) and it seemed all was well, life could resume.
Unfortunately, only 3 hours later I heard about the tragic suicide of Zoe Belle, trans and generally community contributor extraordinaire. Like the rest of the trans and other communities, I was totally devastated. With the funeral happening 9 days later, it took a long time before I was able to grieve and let this go.
So basically, I didn't really get a mental and emotional holiday. Midsumma was an emotional roller coaster as so much of it was Zoe's work. But I managed to get some time out and over the weekend of Friday 8th-10th of Feb I was able to chill, especially after the fab Rock Strip on Friday 8th. Once again, THE event of Midsumma. 2 nights pretty much sold out (and not one iota of publicity on JOY (couldn't interrupt the Kylie megamixes, could we now) or in the pink press. 3 CR to the rescue - hoo-rah (alright I'm biased).
So by Sunday night I was feeling great - energetic, inner peace back, had cleared all the to-to list that had piled up over the last month. Then what?
My housemate announces she (and the pets) want to move out in 6 months with her partner. Previously, she was going to travel with the partner. Now she says "we'll get someone corporate to move in." (She co-owns where I live with a friend).
So, the one anchor I had, a stable happy home has just been cast adrift and now it's just a place to live. So my career's fucked, my finances are fucked, no relationship and wondering if there'll ever be one, the community role means little, my creativity is at an all time low and now this. Fucking fantastic.
Yes, I'm bitter, angry, afraid and disillusioned right now. I'm wondering what I'm living for with no clear goals. I'm sick of being a walking psychological experiment and not having any life.
I'm trying with every ounce of strength to affirm that life will get better. I'm using every idea I know (and learning others) to keep going and find strength and faith (in the general sense of the word, no religion crap here thanks). I'm trying to take responsibility for myself and my decisions and what I've created. I'm trying to change patterns in myself. I'm clinging to the hope that with the decks relatively clear that I'm creating the space for something amazing. That takes virtually all of my strength every day. It takes ages to start the day. I hate mornings, and the stress, tears and anger that come up when I wake up. It would be nice to leap out of bed in the morning and believe life had some purpose other than going to work as an accountant and cleaning up everyone else's crap.
Hope is all there is.
Well, nearly 6 weeks since my last post. Haven't really felt like writing anything, here's why.
Basically, from around early December, at first without realising it, I had been thrown off centre by an abusive and aggressive looney toon in the trans community. It seems I have lots of company: there could be as many of 20 people who have been damaged by this person, one extremely damaged. It's a fcuking tragedy that with fundy religious types, lesbian separatist femmonazis and MSGs to deal with we end up being damaged by our own. - greater sense of betrayal, I guess.
Anyway, 2 days after this happened I had my phone and purse stolen out of my handbag at a cafe. Seems there's a lot of this around BTW: one of the bi-vic gang had this happen to her and my housemate her purse and keys stolen in the same week as me. Fcuking drug barons who leave people dependant and destitute on drugs, but I digress.
The looney toon spewed more vomit on me 2 days after this. Finally, I took on a job that was way more complex than it appeared. When, because the internet banking hasn't been arranged and you have to arrange cash pays in envelopes a la the 1960s to ensure people have their Xmas pays 2 working days before Xmas, it takes a lot of effort. And Xmas seemed to be more manic and feral than usual.
Anyway, I realised I was off track about a week into January and approached a couple of friends and health professionals. One of the latter was very helpful (uprooted some deep shit) and it seemed all was well, life could resume.
Unfortunately, only 3 hours later I heard about the tragic suicide of Zoe Belle, trans and generally community contributor extraordinaire. Like the rest of the trans and other communities, I was totally devastated. With the funeral happening 9 days later, it took a long time before I was able to grieve and let this go.
So basically, I didn't really get a mental and emotional holiday. Midsumma was an emotional roller coaster as so much of it was Zoe's work. But I managed to get some time out and over the weekend of Friday 8th-10th of Feb I was able to chill, especially after the fab Rock Strip on Friday 8th. Once again, THE event of Midsumma. 2 nights pretty much sold out (and not one iota of publicity on JOY (couldn't interrupt the Kylie megamixes, could we now) or in the pink press. 3 CR to the rescue - hoo-rah (alright I'm biased).
So by Sunday night I was feeling great - energetic, inner peace back, had cleared all the to-to list that had piled up over the last month. Then what?
My housemate announces she (and the pets) want to move out in 6 months with her partner. Previously, she was going to travel with the partner. Now she says "we'll get someone corporate to move in." (She co-owns where I live with a friend).
So, the one anchor I had, a stable happy home has just been cast adrift and now it's just a place to live. So my career's fucked, my finances are fucked, no relationship and wondering if there'll ever be one, the community role means little, my creativity is at an all time low and now this. Fucking fantastic.
Yes, I'm bitter, angry, afraid and disillusioned right now. I'm wondering what I'm living for with no clear goals. I'm sick of being a walking psychological experiment and not having any life.
I'm trying with every ounce of strength to affirm that life will get better. I'm using every idea I know (and learning others) to keep going and find strength and faith (in the general sense of the word, no religion crap here thanks). I'm trying to take responsibility for myself and my decisions and what I've created. I'm trying to change patterns in myself. I'm clinging to the hope that with the decks relatively clear that I'm creating the space for something amazing. That takes virtually all of my strength every day. It takes ages to start the day. I hate mornings, and the stress, tears and anger that come up when I wake up. It would be nice to leap out of bed in the morning and believe life had some purpose other than going to work as an accountant and cleaning up everyone else's crap.
Hope is all there is.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Caught, clean bowled and hit wicket
Well, cricket's in a right old hissy fit, what?
1st of all, obviously I condemn racism along with any form of prejudice. And if someone can prove it's happened in this case, I'll condemn it in this case.
That's a big if. No-one has provided any evidence that monkey is a racist taunt. So it's general sledging.
So where did sledging start? With "real men don't eat quiche" types such as Ian Chappell, Rod Marsh and Jeff Thomson in the 70s (and in a way, tennis players like McEnroe and Connors). Has anyone tried to turn sledging back, including Steve "Mr Nice Guy" Waugh? No.
So other sides, being human, do it to. What do the spoilt brat bullies of world cricket, the Aussies do? Run to mummy and get someone suspended (pending appeal).
If the Aussies are such skilled cricketers why do they need to sledge and do the pressure appeals? Or maybe they aren't so skilled and use cheap shots to cover that up? So let's throw out a challenge to the Aussies: play in Perth without sledging and see if you can win.
Re the umpiring, well, it's the imbalanced number of decisions for one test that's got the Indians upset. 5 0r 6 big ones to virtually zip in a close test; upset is understandable. But a challenge for the Indians - finish the tour, go to Perth, thump the Aussies and end the streak.
What really gets me was one knucklehead who wrote to a paper saying players shouldn't "walk" and that to do so was putting yourself ahead of the team. What happened to ethics, for heaven's sake? Maybe we're so used to head-kicking skin-doctoring and occasionally crooked politicians and business types that people think their behaviour is the norm and being ethical is "weird?" Maybe quality examples of leadership would help overcome all this.
All I can say is Bradman must be turning triple somersaults in his grave.
1st of all, obviously I condemn racism along with any form of prejudice. And if someone can prove it's happened in this case, I'll condemn it in this case.
That's a big if. No-one has provided any evidence that monkey is a racist taunt. So it's general sledging.
So where did sledging start? With "real men don't eat quiche" types such as Ian Chappell, Rod Marsh and Jeff Thomson in the 70s (and in a way, tennis players like McEnroe and Connors). Has anyone tried to turn sledging back, including Steve "Mr Nice Guy" Waugh? No.
So other sides, being human, do it to. What do the spoilt brat bullies of world cricket, the Aussies do? Run to mummy and get someone suspended (pending appeal).
If the Aussies are such skilled cricketers why do they need to sledge and do the pressure appeals? Or maybe they aren't so skilled and use cheap shots to cover that up? So let's throw out a challenge to the Aussies: play in Perth without sledging and see if you can win.
Re the umpiring, well, it's the imbalanced number of decisions for one test that's got the Indians upset. 5 0r 6 big ones to virtually zip in a close test; upset is understandable. But a challenge for the Indians - finish the tour, go to Perth, thump the Aussies and end the streak.
What really gets me was one knucklehead who wrote to a paper saying players shouldn't "walk" and that to do so was putting yourself ahead of the team. What happened to ethics, for heaven's sake? Maybe we're so used to head-kicking skin-doctoring and occasionally crooked politicians and business types that people think their behaviour is the norm and being ethical is "weird?" Maybe quality examples of leadership would help overcome all this.
All I can say is Bradman must be turning triple somersaults in his grave.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
The good ol' GLBTI community (?)
A couple of prompts to write about this: debates in the letter pages of MCV and recent goings on in the trans community.
The MCV debate is the hoary old chestnut about whether trans and intersex should be "part of 'our' community" ("our" being spoken, as usual, by a gay man).
Well Mr MSG, (misogynist separatist gayboy) you don't own the community - it's not "yours." Doesn't this sound like racists who say "we don't want these Italians (1955) Asians (1985), Muslims (2005) in OUR country?" Fear of difference in every case. But one difference: gays experience prejudice too. Isn't giving it out a bit hypocritical?
That said, we can't and shouldn't agree or defend each other simply because we are GLBTI (or one of the G,L , B etc). My approach is we ask to be treated on our merits, no differently, not better, not worse due to our sexual orientation, gender identity or intersex status.
That leads into recent goings on in the trans community. Looking at people's behaviour on its merits, when trans people bully, threaten, intimidate or mistreat other trans people, we tell them they are out of order. We don't unite to cover up wrongdoing.
This sort of behaviour occurred 3 weeks ago towards me and another trans person. I'm aware of it happening from the same person to another in the form of threats of violence over a simple difference of opinion. I have second hand information it's happened to at least ten other people, maybe twenty.
As the old maid/old Muppet in the Box of Victoria's trans community who has been around for 12-13 years, I've seen this time and again. People who stand for election in existing groups, but generally form their own groups because they have to run it their way, know it all better than everyone else and their ego says "it's my way or the highway." They bully, steamroll and cajole. They have more in common with Tony Abbott or Gunns timber than Mother Teresa. There's no "I want to care for the community," rather it's "I know how to do it better." They can't with work with other people.
I normally don't play amateur psychoanalyst, but having seen 6 examples of this, I can see a pattern. Generally, these people come out later in life. Have they spent so much time in stealth and secrecy that they can't learn to trust and be open with anyone? And, controversial as it might be, all are MTF. The phrase "residual male programming" comes to mind.
The good thing is, in the end they all disappear or end up running mini-dictatorships disguised as social/support groups. They have no influence because people see through their head-kicking ways and leave them alone (sounds like John Howard???). So we go through this over and again. What are the answers? Succession planning could be one - any others?
Earlier this year, when I (and many others) experienced bullying in a workplace. a friend said something very apt.
"The real measure of any organisation is how it treats its own people. The grand aims it has are irrelevant."
Well, this applies to the trans community too. It matters not what big ideas you have that will supposedly help trans people. Helping trans people starts NOW with how you treat them on a day-to-day basis in everyday interactions.
Maybe that's a message for this time of year too.
The MCV debate is the hoary old chestnut about whether trans and intersex should be "part of 'our' community" ("our" being spoken, as usual, by a gay man).
Well Mr MSG, (misogynist separatist gayboy) you don't own the community - it's not "yours." Doesn't this sound like racists who say "we don't want these Italians (1955) Asians (1985), Muslims (2005) in OUR country?" Fear of difference in every case. But one difference: gays experience prejudice too. Isn't giving it out a bit hypocritical?
That said, we can't and shouldn't agree or defend each other simply because we are GLBTI (or one of the G,L , B etc). My approach is we ask to be treated on our merits, no differently, not better, not worse due to our sexual orientation, gender identity or intersex status.
That leads into recent goings on in the trans community. Looking at people's behaviour on its merits, when trans people bully, threaten, intimidate or mistreat other trans people, we tell them they are out of order. We don't unite to cover up wrongdoing.
This sort of behaviour occurred 3 weeks ago towards me and another trans person. I'm aware of it happening from the same person to another in the form of threats of violence over a simple difference of opinion. I have second hand information it's happened to at least ten other people, maybe twenty.
As the old maid/old Muppet in the Box of Victoria's trans community who has been around for 12-13 years, I've seen this time and again. People who stand for election in existing groups, but generally form their own groups because they have to run it their way, know it all better than everyone else and their ego says "it's my way or the highway." They bully, steamroll and cajole. They have more in common with Tony Abbott or Gunns timber than Mother Teresa. There's no "I want to care for the community," rather it's "I know how to do it better." They can't with work with other people.
I normally don't play amateur psychoanalyst, but having seen 6 examples of this, I can see a pattern. Generally, these people come out later in life. Have they spent so much time in stealth and secrecy that they can't learn to trust and be open with anyone? And, controversial as it might be, all are MTF. The phrase "residual male programming" comes to mind.
The good thing is, in the end they all disappear or end up running mini-dictatorships disguised as social/support groups. They have no influence because people see through their head-kicking ways and leave them alone (sounds like John Howard???). So we go through this over and again. What are the answers? Succession planning could be one - any others?
Earlier this year, when I (and many others) experienced bullying in a workplace. a friend said something very apt.
"The real measure of any organisation is how it treats its own people. The grand aims it has are irrelevant."
Well, this applies to the trans community too. It matters not what big ideas you have that will supposedly help trans people. Helping trans people starts NOW with how you treat them on a day-to-day basis in everyday interactions.
Maybe that's a message for this time of year too.
Bah frickin' humbug
Well December 24...
Has anyone noticed an increased stress level around Xmas this year? More horns honking, suicidal pedestrians, more aggro? Is there any jollity out there at all?
As a nice Jewish Australian Princess I obviously don't celebrate Xmas. There is no emotional attachment to it. Normally, I can, well, inoculate myself from the insanity and forge on. Not this year.
I'm stressed, fed up and over it. I can't F--KING stand it. I'm tired and want some peace and quiet.
The arbitrary deadline that Xmas creates: gotta have the "empty in-tray" by 5 PM tonight; everyone wants it all complete NOW. WHY? My Dad has a phrase "hurry up and relax." It seems apt this year. And it's all bloody stupid.
But, having vented that, I wish everyone peace and happiness.
Has anyone noticed an increased stress level around Xmas this year? More horns honking, suicidal pedestrians, more aggro? Is there any jollity out there at all?
As a nice Jewish Australian Princess I obviously don't celebrate Xmas. There is no emotional attachment to it. Normally, I can, well, inoculate myself from the insanity and forge on. Not this year.
I'm stressed, fed up and over it. I can't F--KING stand it. I'm tired and want some peace and quiet.
The arbitrary deadline that Xmas creates: gotta have the "empty in-tray" by 5 PM tonight; everyone wants it all complete NOW. WHY? My Dad has a phrase "hurry up and relax." It seems apt this year. And it's all bloody stupid.
But, having vented that, I wish everyone peace and happiness.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
ROFL
Hi all
That's "rolling on the floor laughing" for those not up with the trendy abbrievs.
So how come it's a day of such hilarity? To use the ol' stand-up maxim of "jokes with 3 parts":
1st, an article in Crikey about how progressive the Libs are because they've elected a Catholic as a leader. In the words of "The Rock," "well woopdy doo." Gee they've caught up to the 1950's. This means by 2050 they'll have openly GLBTI folk, single mothers, those of Muslim background, even ex-imprisoned people in the parliamentary party. So truly representative, what?
The second, also courtesy Crikey, (with respect, dark/dry humour) is about how those guardians of morality, Christian fundamentalists, have been caught out offering a home-schooling book that apparently promotes physical and emotional child abuse by approving methods of belting kids to make them G-d fearing. Yes, looking after our families for sure...
But the classic for me is Andrew Bolt. Today's Hun has an opinion poll re gay marriage equality. Yours truly naturally sent out notice of the poll to lists and yahoo groups of which I'm a member - my right to freedom of communication in a democracy.
Well http://blogs.news.com.au/heraldsun/andrewbolt/ scroll down 1/3 of the way actually has my e-mail. Good heavens Andrew, my ego wants to thank you for the biggest boost it's had in years. You think I've got so much influence to sway an opinion poll? Me, a little ol' tranny with no money at all - compared to your mates at Saltshakers, Christian Lobby, Families Association and Gloria Jeans who get money from collection plates and siphoning proceeds off cups of coffee without being transparent in their disclosure?
Now I'm soooooo sure all of the above nice ethical Christian organisations would never ever ever ask their members including the alleged 3000 members (i.e. e-mail addresses) of Saltshakers to vote in opinion polls, would they? But today, maybe someone's requested taking the counter-intuitive approach and told them not to vote to back up your nice blog sub-heading of "Ballot rigged." No, such ethics would never allow such a thing...
However, I can only say Andrew, it's great to see you've broadened yourself and adopted a secular non-Christian specific belief - from "The Secret." Keep putting it out there and it will happen. What do I mean? You and others of your ilk kept saying how the (assume whinging fart voice here) "homosexual (sic) lobbyists are so well organised." Well, you kept talking about it - and it's happened. On lists totalling no more than a 1000 different individuals, we have enough friends to show we can make a difference. Fantastic. (Actually, it's 999, given one of your spies leaked my e-mail to you, but who's counting?)
So thanks for the comic relief, Bolta. We need a laugh now and then in this grim ol' world...and I think it is so generous you gave the laughter and merriment to me today.
PS To Andrew's spy - check out http://www.bettybowers.com/homoagenda.html It has the whole homosexual agenda. Now you know, saves you being on a list or lists that you don't need to be on.
That's "rolling on the floor laughing" for those not up with the trendy abbrievs.
So how come it's a day of such hilarity? To use the ol' stand-up maxim of "jokes with 3 parts":
1st, an article in Crikey about how progressive the Libs are because they've elected a Catholic as a leader. In the words of "The Rock," "well woopdy doo." Gee they've caught up to the 1950's. This means by 2050 they'll have openly GLBTI folk, single mothers, those of Muslim background, even ex-imprisoned people in the parliamentary party. So truly representative, what?
The second, also courtesy Crikey, (with respect, dark/dry humour) is about how those guardians of morality, Christian fundamentalists, have been caught out offering a home-schooling book that apparently promotes physical and emotional child abuse by approving methods of belting kids to make them G-d fearing. Yes, looking after our families for sure...
But the classic for me is Andrew Bolt. Today's Hun has an opinion poll re gay marriage equality. Yours truly naturally sent out notice of the poll to lists and yahoo groups of which I'm a member - my right to freedom of communication in a democracy.
Well http://blogs.news.com.au/heraldsun/andrewbolt/ scroll down 1/3 of the way actually has my e-mail. Good heavens Andrew, my ego wants to thank you for the biggest boost it's had in years. You think I've got so much influence to sway an opinion poll? Me, a little ol' tranny with no money at all - compared to your mates at Saltshakers, Christian Lobby, Families Association and Gloria Jeans who get money from collection plates and siphoning proceeds off cups of coffee without being transparent in their disclosure?
Now I'm soooooo sure all of the above nice ethical Christian organisations would never ever ever ask their members including the alleged 3000 members (i.e. e-mail addresses) of Saltshakers to vote in opinion polls, would they? But today, maybe someone's requested taking the counter-intuitive approach and told them not to vote to back up your nice blog sub-heading of "Ballot rigged." No, such ethics would never allow such a thing...
However, I can only say Andrew, it's great to see you've broadened yourself and adopted a secular non-Christian specific belief - from "The Secret." Keep putting it out there and it will happen. What do I mean? You and others of your ilk kept saying how the (assume whinging fart voice here) "homosexual (sic) lobbyists are so well organised." Well, you kept talking about it - and it's happened. On lists totalling no more than a 1000 different individuals, we have enough friends to show we can make a difference. Fantastic. (Actually, it's 999, given one of your spies leaked my e-mail to you, but who's counting?)
So thanks for the comic relief, Bolta. We need a laugh now and then in this grim ol' world...and I think it is so generous you gave the laughter and merriment to me today.
PS To Andrew's spy - check out http://www.bettybowers.com/homoagenda.html It has the whole homosexual agenda. Now you know, saves you being on a list or lists that you don't need to be on.
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